Our darling Penelope has officially been a part of our family for 4 and a half months now. When I think back about the moment we met her, it still feels like yesterday, but remembering how she was those first few weeks compared to where she is now, I can't even believe its only been a few short months. She truly has come so far. I wish you could see the focus and dedication on her face when you are teaching her something new! This girl is determined and smart, and watching her flourish just brings our hearts so much joy. She is in 3 different therapies a week, occupational, speech, and physical, and each of her therapist are amazed of how well she is doing, and see such a bright future for her!!! To give you a few examples. . . .when she first came home we would go on walks, and she would sit down and scoot herself over the smallest crack. She was unstable, and so fearful, and now this girl can bravely and confidently step off the curb! In China, she never said one word in Mandarin, and now she can say, up, done, gone, eye, dada, bubble, bye, and signs a ton more! She can put on shoes, pull up her pants, and pretty much do any puzzle with her eyes closed! She has also fully embraced our love of family dance parties, and this girl has got some moves. As far as her emotional progress, I think she fully understands that we are hers now! She is so comfortable with us, and her and Paisley have made a full 180. They share, and play together so sweetly (most the time, ha), and they love to hold hands when they walk next to each other. Watching their friendship develop is my favorite. Parker still adores her, and she still is not the biggest fan of all of his affection, but when she does let him hug her, the look of joy on his face could make anyone melt into a puddle! So overall, things are going amazingly well!!!
But with all that said, I also want to be honest, and say this is really hard! I get frustrated with her a lot, not to say that I don't get frustrated with Parker and Paisley, but it feels different with her. The mom guilt is on a totally different level. She has a lot of melt downs throughout the day. If I give any kind of individual attention to Paisley, Penelope will fight for the same, and if I don't immediately give it to her, she lays down on the floor and cries, and scoots away from me if I try and comfort her. This is her response to everything that makes her upset (which seems to every. little. thing), and it can be emotionally draining. I hate admitting that, because coming from an orphanage of course she wants all of my love and attention. So finding a balance of wanting to show her how loved she is, but not wanting to always give in to her meltdowns, and still trying to never let Parker and Paisley feel less important is not something I have not mastered yet, and I am tired! It is also hard to admit that our love for Penny is still growing. I read other adoptive momma's stories, and sometimes get jealous of the ones who say that it was genuine love at first sight with their child. For us, it is taking time. I think it is difficult because so much of what our society portrays love to be is all about feelings, and emotions. I have to remind myself that love looks a lot different in the bible. It is something you choose, and it is an action. It doesn't always come with happy and amazing feelings. And don't get me wrong, we do love her, but the feelings are not always where we wish they were. It takes a lot more work, and intentionality, and when you compare that with the love we have for Parker and Paisley that seems to come so much easier, it doesn't make us feel good. We really hate it, but we know however, that we are still in the bonding season, and it takes time. I struggle to know if I am being too honest, but I think it is important to be real in all of this. It is also helpful for me to feel like I am seen and known in all these struggles, and want other momma's to feel the same. Because some days I can convince myself that everyone else has it all together, and I am the only one who struggles with impatience, and love, and finding joy in this season of mommy-hood! Adoptive momma or not, this gig is really tough, and its truly the best ever, and also the hardest ever! But I wouldn't trade it for anything, and it is so humbling for me, and has taught me SO much about the love God has for me as His daughter. I still can't believe He chose me to raise these precious babes. It is only by relying on His Holy Spirit that gives me any hope that I will do right by them! I'm so thankful for His grace, and that He promises to give us a fresh start every morning! Grace and coffee are on repeat in the Allen home!
4 Comments
Karen Higgins
1/25/2018 04:01:18 pm
Thank you, Laura Beth for your honesty and transparency. ❤️
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Kelly
1/25/2018 05:35:41 pm
I know I’m not alone in my appreciation for your honesty. It is needed and valued! I think it is very normal to feel that way with the demands of special needs - no matter what those special needs are - and adopted or not. It’s just hard and we grow through it. Love you LB 😘😘😘 You’re doing great 👍
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Lin harvie
1/26/2018 09:03:25 am
I know of a family that adopted from China last year and have been told that they are struggling with the tantrums as well. This little one screams no matter where they are, but also after a year with the family she is improving and the Tantrums aren’t as often. It is hard some days with an adopted child (as we well know) but you are doing Gods will and he will give you the strength day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Hang in there it will get better. ❤️
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Anna Steinmetz
3/19/2019 05:23:09 pm
Yes, thank you for your authenticity! We adopted our Gabe at age 2 after fostering him since birth. He is intellectually disabled and autistic. I’ve struggled in ways similar to what you’ve described here and it is good to hear we’re not alone. Blessings to you and your sweet family. Keep up the good work. 💜
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AuthorI am a proud stay at home momma who unashamedly instagrams way too many pictures of her kids, loves decorating, Christmas, and coffee, and has a small obsession with Gilmore Girls. Archives
May 2017
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